The Breaker of Chains Pt. 2: The Holidays
In my last blog post, I talked about making the decision to break the cycle my family had been caught in for generations—and the guilt that comes with it. Today, I want to focus on the holidays: the mental challenges they bring, the feelings I struggled with, how I coped, and how I slowly found my own way to reclaim this season.
For most people, the holidays are a time to embrace loved ones, share laughter over family meals, and reconnect with those you don’t often see during the year. But for someone like me, the holidays felt completely different. They were a reminder of pain and rejection, of the constant fights that came with family gatherings, or just a bitter reflection of why I’d come to isolate myself in the first place.
My dread of the holidays deepened after I got clean. It wasn’t my favorite time of year to begin with, but sobriety made it even harder. Suddenly, being around a group of addicts wasn’t just uncomfortable—it was dangerous. Temptation is real, and as a newly recovering addict, my self-discipline wasn’t exactly at its peak. I knew better than to put myself in that position.
The change was immediate. When I committed to quitting, I was on felony probation with eight years hanging over my head. The risk far outweighed any reward. To cope, I turned to what I knew best: isolation. I’d volunteer to work on holidays or spend the day alone in my apartment. Even when some of my family had “gotten out,” they still hosted other toxic relatives, and that was enough to keep me away. Not because I didn’t love them, but because I’d finally learned an important truth: I didn’t have to tolerate toxic behavior just because we shared blood.
The Hardest Part
I wish I could say it was easy to get through this stage, but it wasn’t. I spent a lot of holidays angry, depressed, and alone. As I progressed in my recovery, I began meeting friends who made the holidays a little easier to navigate. But even then, it felt foreign. I went through the motions, but I still didn’t feel at home in the season.
Then I met Shea. Slowly but surely, things started to change.
It took me 12 years and a lot of internal work to get to a place where I could genuinely embrace certain holidays. It wasn’t immediate, and it wasn’t perfect. But with time and patience, I found my own way to make peace with the season.
A Call to Action
If you find yourself dreading the holidays or struggling to let go of the weight of toxic family ties, know this: you don’t owe anyone your presence if their behavior harms your peace. It’s okay to protect yourself. It’s okay to set boundaries. And it’s okay to create your own traditions or even skip the holidays entirely until you’re ready to engage with them on your terms.
Breaking generational curses means learning to honor yourself, even when it’s hard. The holidays are a season, not a sentence. Take your time, trust your process, and remember—you’re allowed to rewrite your story.
~ Coach Sean Fayard
Comments